October 01, 2018

There's A Bitterness In My Blood



my mind has been such a prison lately.
forgive me, this probably won't be poetic. 
I don't have much in me to write pretty today.

I'm just angry.

I'm angry, and by God I'm trying not to be. I'm trying to be all things a 'modern woman' should be. I'm trying to be grateful. To be kind. To be honest. I'm trying not to cut my heart off. I'm trying not to frown. I'm trying not to become all the things I said I wouldn't. I'm trying to protect myself. But I cannot help it. I'm just angry. Maybe even bitter. I'm not too proud at this point to admit to being bitter. There's bitterness in my blood. 

How do you empty your mind?

I keep wondering. How do you let go when your heart is full? How do you still your mind when silence continues to suffocate it? And how do you let go of something you wake up breathless thinking about? How do you say it's okay when you know it is but you always feel like it isn't? I don't want to be angry all the time. I don't want to be bitter. 

It's just ... I'm not sure -
how does one cleanse the blood?


z.

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